by Ken Waugh
Millie had a heart of gold. She also had the most beautiful blue eyes God ever made. Unfortunately, the heart was encased in the most grossly overweight body imaginable. While the beautiful blue eyes were set in a face only a mother could love. Her nose was too big, and her ears stood out so much that even her long black straggly hair was unable to hide them. Her eyebrows were so long and bushy that they joined together in the middle, to form a continuous line across the bottom of her furrowed forehead. Millie's hands and feet were small and dainty which made her arms and legs look all the more fat. Not that anyone ever saw her arms or legs for she always wore a black dress with long sleeves and a hemline which nearly touched the ground.
Despite her looks she held a responsible position as a legal secretary in a solicitor's office. She gave freely of her spare time in helping to run various youth organisations in the town. Being a devout churchgoer Millie was always ready to assist with all work connected with raising money for the church.
At the age of twenty eight, and looking the way she did, Millie had never had known romance, had never had a boy friend.
Now it came to pass that she received a letter from a firm of solicitors. It informed her that she had inherited the sum of £500,000 by a distant uncle, one she had never heard from in years. Not knowing what to do with the money, she confided in her girlfriend who worked in the same office.
"Why Millie!" she exclaimed. "This is a gift from heaven. Spend some of it on making yourself beautiful. Go to the best doctors in Harley Street. Get your nose remodelled and your ears shaped and pinned back. You need to get rid of all your surplus fat from your legs, arms, and body. When they are finished, go to the most expensive beauticians in London. Let them shape your eyebrows and do your hair. Finally let them massage your body with aromatic oils until it is glowing with health. When they are finished with you go to the best costumiers in town. They will dress you to suit the new Millie. and if you don't get a boyfriend after that, I'll eat this ledger in front of me."
Taking her friend's advice Millie went first to the plastic surgeon in Harley Street. Next came the beauticians and finally the costumiers. All this took nearly six months, but it was worth it. The Millie who stepped out from the costumiers was really beautiful. However, as she stepped from the pavement to cross the road, she was knocked down by a bus and killed.
Millie was absolutely furious when she arrived at the gates of heaven where she was met by the Angel Gabriel.
"I have a complaint to make," she stated. "I wish to see God." She was taken to an inner chamber where God sat on his throne.
"What is your complaint Millie?" asked God.
"Well," she replied. "You made it so that I inherited a lot of money. With it I was able to pay to make myself more presentable. and just when it was completed and I had become a different person, my life was cut short and here I am. Why?"
"I'll have to look into this," said God. "Send for St. Peter."
St. Peter duly arrived and looked in his book. After several minutes he looked up, "You shouldn't be here for quite a while yet Millie," he remarked.
"Then why am I," she demanded to know."
"A case of mistaken identity, I'm afraid." St. Peter replied. "You see, when you came out of that costumiers looking so beautiful with blond hair and in a short red skirt, and wearing gold drop ear rings, well we just didn't recognise you. we thought you were someone else.
It just goes to show, it isn't always wise to alter the way God made us.
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